My Screwy Taco Mishap
by SpaceCadette69
Summary: The out comes of being sucked into the delicious, orgasmic taste of a taco are really quite terrifying... Or are they?


_OKay, so this is my attempt at a one-shot... not very good but oh well. There is a reason that the gramar in this story is terrible and that would be because it is being told as if Clyde was actually telling it. We all know He's not all that intelligent. I tried to clean up the typ-o's but for some reason when I transfer things onto fanfic it screws it up. Sorry about that..._

_Anyways, hope my crappy smut stuff doesn't make you want to bang your head against a wall and run away screaming :D _

My Screwy Taco-Mishap

This moment in time was absolutely perfect. I'm like, not even kidding here. My life had only been a miserable excuse for a… well a life, until this very moment. There I stood, right outside of Taco Bell, holding the king of all Mexican foods; The Ultra-supreme Double taco with extra meat and cheese. It was literally beautiful. Like, I could feel a boner coming on just because of this taco. The way the crunchy shell barely could contain the browned taco meat and grated cheese. And the way the sour cream and salsa just spread over the top oh-so perfectly. Oh God! It was a once in a life time moment I was experiencing here! I could feel my mouth start to water from just staring at it. Slowly, very slowly, I brought God's perfect creation to my mouth. Hesitantly, I took a bite.

Okay, so you know early how I said that that was the perfect moment in my life? Well, I take it back. Right now is the perfect moment. I literally felt as if I had just floated away on a taco-loving cloud. It tastes so amazing it was like, I can't even describe it man! I swear to God I just had a spontaneous orgasm from this taco. And no, I don't really care how discussed you are with the fact that I have fallen in love with a Mexican, grease cover, food. That's just how I, Clyde Donavan roll. Don't like it then you can take it up with my friends who will most likely beat the living shit out of you. Yeah, life's good. All though I will admit, it does suck to be like the only single guy in South Park. Well, I guess there are some others but still. They all get some action once in awhile. I don't. I'm still seventeen year old virgin Clyde. Yeah, I take it back. Fuck my life man.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted with something crashing into me. I felt my balance shift and before I knew it, I was on my ass. My head was killing me from suddenly running into something or someone and as I looked at my empty hand, I realized it. My taco wasn't there anymore.

I hear a gruntish sound coming from in front of me. As I slowly looked up at the thing I had run into (I was still in a No-more-taco Shock) I noticed something else. The "thing" I had run into was indeed not a thing but a person with black hair, a blue chullo hat, ripped jeans and a blue T-shirt. On that T-shirt laid the remainders of my perfectly created taco.

My initial reaction to this was "Hey! What the fuck man? That was my fucking taco you bastard!" and then bursting into tears, but then I really noticed who the person was. So instead of my hysterical fit over my taco, what came out of my mouth was something like this.

"Oh shit… Please don't kill me Craig." and then bursting into tears.

He just continued to stare at his shirt with what seemed like a mixture of pure rage and complete confusion.

I guess my bawling got his attention though because he finally looked up at me.

"Clyde, stop crying pussy." He said in that nasally voice of his.

"D-Don't… I'm sor-sor-sorry!" I mumbled threw my blubbering.

Craig stood up and grabbed my wrist, pulling me up as well. Next thing I knew, I could feel a fist crashing into the side of my face. Immediately, I turned back to Craig in silence.

"Shut it and come on." He glared at me.

"W-Where are we going?"

"Your house. I need to wash my shirt."

Now, I don't think I've mentioned this yet but I'm bisexual. Ever since the whole Bebe thing in fourth grade I kinda stopped liking girls as much and started noticing guys… like guys who were close to me… who at the time were primarily Craig and Token. Nothing ever happened I swear! I simply started noticing what clothes they wore and what their hair looked like that day. It was all completely innocent.

So anyways, when we all hit High school we kind of "grew apart." Craig joined the football and hockey teams and now hangs out with the super popular kids. While I (being the lazy person I am) never joined sports and hang out with Butters and Kevin. In other words, he's WAY out of my league. Hell, I'm lucky he even remembers my name at this point.

Anyways, I was currently stumbling along behind Craig down the road to my house. He didn't say anything which is probably good because I was still a sobbing mess. I mean, you would be to if your taco was stolen away from you only to be replaced by the threat of someone killing you. I know Craig well enough to know he loves to beat the shit out of people. Fuck, what if he's just taking me somewhere to kill me? No one would ever notice if I died. I take that back. The employees at Taco Bell would notice their number one customer not showing up for his daily taco fix.

With out warning, I collided with the back of Craig, yet again. I looked up to notice we were standing in front of my house. Holy shit! When did we get here?

"Key." He grumbled, turning around just enough to show the glare that was directed at me.

I handed him the key to my maroon house and he swiftly unlocked and opened the door. We made our way into my semi tidy living room. A flat screen TV hung from one of the four walls lining the fairly large sized room while a couch sat in front of it. A small table lay to the side of the couch, covered in my dad's magazines.

Craig took his shoes off and made his way down the hall to wear we kept our washer and stuff like that that no one really wants to see.

I'm surprised. Like, incredibly surprised that Craig remembers where the washer and dryer are. He hasn't been over since we were ten. That's like, seven fucking years man!

So anyway, I followed him down the hall and into the small back room. I watch as he presses a few buttons and puts some detergent and crap in the little… uh… place where you put the detergent and stuff…. yeah that. I watched as he took his shirt off of his slender figure and threw it in the washer.

I could feel my cheeks grow hot as less than innocent thoughts run threw my head about the dude before me. Some how, he managed to get an awesome even tan all over and his chest and stomach are all like, toned (opposed to mine which is on the squishier side.)

He was literally, gorgeous.

Oh my God, that was one of the gayest things I have ever thought. Holy shit.

So, Craig starts the washer and turns to me with his usual bored expression.

"I can't believe I have to waist my time here." He grumbles. "Let's go up to you're room. You use to have a TV and some games there right?"

I simply nod, still mesmerized by his utter hotness.

We make our way up to my room and all of a sudden I was incredibly glad I listened to my mom for once and cleaned it. I'm not even joking when I say this place was a pig's sty before I cleaned.

Craig walked over to the little TV I had on my dresser and turned it on along with my Xbox. I think he put in guitar hero but I was to busy drooling over his body to take notice. Ha! I'm such a desperate fag.

He hands me one of the controllers which I take, unconsciously.

"What are we playing?"

"Guitar Hero, dumbass." He scowls.

Wow Clyde… Great question.

I could feel myself blush a little at my obvious stupidity.

I watch the screen as Craig scan threw the multiple songs, finally settling on something by Linkin Park. The music begins and the colorful buttons appear on the screen.

As the song continues on, I began glancing back down at Craig. His tongue is slightly sticking out of his mouth in a weird look of concentration I think. It's kinda hot actually.

Ugh… that fucking blush is back! The more I stare at him the more I can feel myself blush and melt. His black hair hung in his face slightly while his blue hat covered the majority of it. His tongue kept like, flicking up and down, in and out of his perfect lips. His bluish grey eyes were locked on the screen. It was truly a sight to see.

After awhile I began to notice his eyes weren't locked on the screen anymore. His hands weren't moving up and down the controller and his tongue had gone back into his mouth to stay. Only then did I realize the song was over and he was staring back at me.

My cheeks went back to that embarrassing shade of pink and I think I might of yelped but I'm not sure cause I was falling back on the bed from shock. Oh yeah, my reactions to things are just sooo smooth.

"What the fuck, Clyde?" Craig grumbled.

My blush increased as he climbed onto the bed on top of me. His really shiny grey eyes were staring into mine and his hands were on either side of his head. He was slightly stratling my hips which was definitely not helping the boner that had started up in my pants.

I was trying so fucking hard to not look down at his chest. Like, I could feel myself break a sweat from this task. I'm pretty sure this was like the hardest thing I have ever done… Haha! Hardest. That's what she said! Wait, why am I making jokes at a time like this? I mean, if I just let my guard down for even a second I'll probably end up looking down at his… Fuck.

Yes, I was currently staring at his perfectly tan chest again. You wanna know the worst part? I couldn't look away! Every little breathe he took, every slight movement, it was hypnotizing.

I faintly heard an "Uhh, Clyde?" But I don't really know. Then, he moved. Like, not off of me but just like, what's the word… shifted. Yeah, that's it! With that one little shift, his leg rubbed against my crotch and all I could do was blush even frikin harder as I moaned loudly.

I looked back up at him only to be met by an intimidating smirk.

With out a waning, Craig shot his hand down to my crotch and squeezed. Another jolt of electricity ran threw me as yet another moan passed my lips.

"Hmm… Never pictured you as gay, Clyde." Craig mumbled as he brought his face down towards mine.

Oh my God. Oh my fucking God! This was not happing to me! I mean, holy shit! Craig Tucker was like, about to kiss me! If I was a girl, I'm sure I would have just squealed. Luckily I'm not. Oh yeah, and I take back what I said about that taco being the best moment in my life. This was, right here man.

So I'm like, lying there, squeezing my eyes shut as Craig brought his lips to mine. It started out gentle and slow, I think. Then he started like, nibbling and licking my lip, which made me gasp. Next thing I knew, our tongues were rubbing against each other, greedily. It would be a lie if I denied that it felt fan-fucking-tastic. I could feel his hand unbuttoning my pants as we made out. I didn't really notice until I felt his hand slip past the waist band of my underwear and rub against my length.

"Ahhh!" I groaned incredibly loud, tossing my head back.

Craig simply chuckled and started like, sucking on my neck. The combination of his hand slowly stroking me and his mouth sucking and biting my neck was seriously arousing.

Next thing I knew, he stopped. Okay, so I really had the urge to just say "What the fuck man? Why did you stop?" but no. Instead I just looked up at him with this Im-a-two-year-old-whose-candy-was-just-taken-away look.

Craig had moved to a sitting position and was grinning down at me. I could feel myself tense up from the sight of him. It was a very rare, and scary sight to see Craig smile.

Ugh… I had this like urge to try something at that very moment but I wasn't really sure if I should. Oh well, might as well try.

In one fluent motion, I thrust my hips up against his, affectively grinding our hips together.

Well, I'm guessing that was the right thing to do. I mean like, it felt pretty awesome to me and I think I might have just heard Craig moan. Wow, I am goooood.

Craig repeated the action and yet another moan escaped his lips. I watched as his hands traveled to the sides of my pants, yanking them down with a lot of force. The sensation of cold air hitting my lower half was even more arousing. Craig just smirked at me as I whimpered softly. Next thing I knew, he was taking my shirt off. Now, normally I would be scared shitless if anyone saw me shirtless. I mean, I'm on the chubbier side so I'm not all that great looking. But at that moment, all I could think about was how much I wanted to get off.

So Craig finally succeeds at removing my shirt from my squishy torso and starts to take his pants off. I'm like, pretty sure I was blushing again at that very moment. Dude, like, Craig Tucker was stripping right in front of me. Nice.

I watch as Craig finishes taking off his pants, leaving him in only black boxers, and sticks three of his finger in my face.

He was all like "Suck. Now," in this really demanding voice. So, I suck. I don't really know if I'm suppose to be doing this all seductively like I've heard you're suppose to but I guess I should try. I swirl my tongue around the tip of his fingers and then push them as far in my mouth as I can without gagging. I personally think I did pretty good at that.

He pulled his fingers out and reached down for my own boxers, pulling them off quickly.

Slowly, he pushes one of his fingers in. Ironically, I notice it's his middle one. Wow Craig, could you be any more predictable? Middle first…

So anyways, it felt kinda weird. Not really bad or anything but just weird. Suddenly I felt another finger entering me. Okay, now it hurts.

I groaned a little as he scissored and trusted his fingers deep inside my ass. I groaned even louder when a third frikin finger was added. Holy shit! This was like torture but in a good way! I mean like, I felt like I was kinda being ripped apart but the deeper the feeling was the better it seemed to get.

I yelled as he pulled his fingers out, yanked his boxers off (might I just add, Craig Tucker is not small… in anyway. So, this is probably gonna hurt like fucking hell.) and covered his length in spit.

The only thing that was running threw my head at this point is "Hurry the fuck up!" But no; instead all I said was "C-Craig… p-p-please?" in this really pathetic voice.

He gave me this knowing smirk and quickly thrusted deep into me.

I take everything about how painful the fingering part was. That, right there, was like someone just ripped me in half. Yeah, I think I was screaming but I don't really know. It fucking hurt!

Craig leaned down and kissed my forehead softly.

"It won't hurt as bad if you just relax, I promise." So, I relax as much as I can.

"There you go." He cooed in this un-characteristic voice I have never heard him use. It was all like, lovingly and sweet. I kinda liked it, actually.

Slowly, Craig pulled out of me and pushed back in. I gritted my teeth and just tried to take it as best I could. Suddenly, he moved a little faster, pushing just a bit deeper and then, I was seeing stars. It was like I was flying on that taco cloud I was on earlier only this was better. I moaned loudly as he thrust back into me, hitting the same spot, harder. Oh my god! This was the most amazing thing ever! Screw taco's, screw video games, and screw porn! This was spectacular!

"Harder!" I vaguely heard myself shout at him.

He complied and did as he was told.

Oh yes, Craig was rocking my world. I shut my eyes as he brought his face down again and began sucking on my neck again. The sensations were all just so perfect. I could feel all the heat in my body rush to my crotch and then my vision went white.

I screamed rather loudly as I came, hard, all over the two of us.

I could feel myself start to relax a bit right as I heard Craig release a loud groan and cum inside of me.

We both just laid there, basking in the after glow of our orgasms.

Carefully he pulled out of me, causing me to gasp and tense up a bit. Craig simply chuckled a bit and kissed my cheek once more.

"Sleep." He said in that weirdly comforting tone.

Now, I don't know about him, but I was tired as hell. He really didn't have to tell me to go to sleep because I was already half way there. I wrapped my arms around him and released a long sigh of comfort. Then I muttered something I really wish I would have kept quite.

"I love you." And before I could get a response, I was out.

Slowly, I sat up; the sun was setting behind the mountains that I could see from my bed room window. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and glanced at the clock on my nightstand.

Holy fuck. It was six p.m.! What the hell happened?

As I tried to stand up, a odd pain shot threw my bottom, leaving me to collapse back on the bed. I ran threw today's earlier events, trying to make since of what had happened.

Okay, so I went to Taco Bell, got my orgasmic taco then I ran into Craig and… Oh My God! Craig! Where the hell was he? Didn't I fall asleep like, right next to him?

I glanced around my room and noticed a little sticky note on my TV.

Slowly, and clumsily, I made my way over to the screen, grabbing said sticky note and reading the rather tidy penmanship.

_Yo Clyde, _

_My shirts clean now so I thought I should just take off. Didn't think I should wake you and say good bye. Anyways, you are going to call me when you wake up._

_-blah blah blah,_

_Craig_

_P.S. I love you too._

I could feel that annoying blush creep back onto my cheeks. Oh my God, Craig Tucker liked me! More than liked me, he LOVED me! I feel like I'm a preteen girl who just met Justin Bieber! Oh crap! I still have to call Craig!

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing I ran into him after all.


End file.
